Hello Autumn

I love the crunch of leaves under my foot, the aroma of wood emanating from the thin crisp air, and the brilliant shades of red, orange, and gold.

I remember stepping outside on those first cool mornings of the autumn, and breathing in a lungful of the first painfully cool air of the season.

I want to roast some colorful veggies, wear a bright-colored sweater, sip a cup of hot cinnamon tea, and curl up under a blanket with a good book, and fall asleep.

Even in Arizona, where seasons are either extreme or not well-defined, autumn manifests itself in subtle ways with cobalt blue skies, sunlight that carries no heat and creates long shadows, and a breeze faintly scented with wood smoke and a hint of rare humidity.

It is the time of the year when memories are created.

We picked apples from the orchard. Crisp, tart, mottled apples from the orchard.

We sat on a pumpkin, while others took a hay ride or got lost in the corn maze.

We went camping; our tent strategically sat right next to a smoldered camp fire and unwittingly invaded a skunk's territory.

We dressed up as characters no one recognized from Arrested Development.

We went on pre-Thanksgiving shopping, but I told you to hold off till the sale for this green Guess shirt you were coveting. You were very miserable.

We picked out autumn-scented wallflowers from Bath and Body Works. That helped with your misery.

We got that green shirt from Guess on Black Friday. The shirt that made you look like a ranger. A cute nerdy ranger.

Our new indulgences this year:

Trusting your life in my hand when you are spider-manning.



Posing in the cool new restaurant in town after rounds of free good sushis.


And swiftly converting from the buy-only-from-the-sale-flyer girl to everything Trader Joe-y girl. I plunder and loot at TJ's. Here's a sneak peak of my most recently emptied boxes.


But my biggest indulgence is to have you with me when the days are brisk and the nights are cold. You hold my hands, duck into the car, start the engine, and turn on the seat warmer.

My favorite memory of all times.

Our car conversation

Me: I saw a Bentley today, parked outside the leasing office.

Blake: Yeah?

Me: It had crazy lightning-bolt headlight.

Blake: Let me look it up. What color?

Me: Black. I wouldn't notice it but for the lightning-bolt headlight.

Blake: Didn't see one on the website. Let me google "Bentley with lightening-bolt headlight." Hmmm. No result. I am pretty sure "lightening-bolt headlight" is not the way to describe it. I will ask Zeb.

Me: It was actually a good-looking car.

Blake: Yeah, did you see the interior? Red leather?

Me: No, I didn't see the inside. I mean it is actually a proportional car. No crazy front hood. Four seats. A beautiful, normal-looking car.

Blake: Nah... (let out a gruesome cry of admiration) BMW @#$%^&*!@~!!! (then another more gruesome cry of admiration)

Me: Urrr, that's such an ugly car. Enormous front hood and a tiny little butt. And only two seats for the price. It is weird-looking, a total lack of functionality, and mad expensive. How could you like something so strange?

Blake: Weird-looking, no functionality, and expensive... That sounds like your high heels to me!

Bob Loblaw Law Blog

Last Saturday, Knuckles got a flat tire.

Blake's fault.

My heart was broken.

Blake said, "Knuckles is just a car."

I said, "No! Knuckles is just a kid.  You cannot be so cruel to him. Knuckles is not Buckles."

I have big hopes and dreams for Knuckles. It may even go to college one day.

Blake just laughed at me.

Last Tuesday, I became an Elite Yelper.

My broken heart was healed a little by the new shining badge on my profile.

I have big hopes and dreams, too.

I can now fight back overrated, overhyped, and overpriced restaurants like a true honey badger!

Yesterday, I got back to Tucson without my Knuckles. Blake waited for me at the gate and gave me a bear hug.

Husband > Knuckles.

But Knuckles is still my favorite.

This morning, Blake and I went to the USCIS Tucson office for my biometrics exam.

One step closer to getting my green card.

This afternoon, at 4:46 PM, I clicked on the hyperlink.

I'm promoted to the Esq. status.

One step closer to being a Bob Loblaw Law Blog honey badger.

******************* Update*******************

Unbeknown to me, Blake spent the whole week finding new wheels and tires for Knuckles to keep him safe and healthy on the road.

Husband >>> Knuckles.

Blake is my new favorite.

But I always love this man.

Pampered

I don't often get sick (my perspective - she would disagree), but when I do Shijie pampers me like a small puppy. So when I came down with a cold at the end of this week, I wasn't surprised when she insisted on coming to "rescue" me in Tucson over me going to Phoenix for the weekend. While not exactly strict, she demands a thorough course of action, and only she can see that I perform all of them.

Her checklist for a sick Blake:
- Copious amounts of Vitamin C, juice and water
- Hour-long naps every 3 hours
- Herbal tea (each from some part of mainland China) every hour
- Soup for virtually every meal
- Hot baths before bed

Between these activities she chides that perhaps I should be on Rosetta Stone studying Chinese - while she works through Saturday on her legal briefs for the court.

But as I said above, she is not exactly strict. I often settle for either reading Sci-Fi, dreaming up designs for shirts or videos, or watching a TV series with her. And in the end, although she thinks she is taking care of me, I really think I'm taking care of her by distracting her from work over the weekend.

Of course it is at her insistance that I write a blog post, so perhaps I am the trained puppy after all.

(Food Therapy: There is nothing a good Korean BBQ can't cure.)

Milestone

Blake and I met three years ago, on August 28th, 2009.

I didn't drive at that time. He drove.

Knuckles hit his first 50K mark on August 30th, 2012.

Blake didn't drive this time. I did.

It has been an incredible journey with the lovely person who taught me how to drive, and the car that makes me smile.

Both of you made me do parallel-parking, brought me to a dentist, and watched me closely on the highway.

Both told me not to worry, and held my hand when I was shaky.

You two never judge and call me a bad driver. You are patient and loving.

Knuckles, Buckles, Blake and I are one family!

When I noticed years ago that Blake always keeps Buckles spotlessly clean, feeds her with the best gas, and cries a little bit inside whenever she got scratched, hurt, or dented, I had a feeling that he will also take very good care of me, just like the way he treats Buckles.

A man who loves his car loves his woman. A woman who loves her man loves his car.

I fantasize Knuckles and Buckles are this cute married car-couple, purring happily down the aisle, and snuggling side-by-side in their reserved parking spots.

Why wouldn't they? They love each other so much, and miss each other so dearly.

Thank you Knuckles, for keeping me in good company on the road.

Thank you babe, for giving me the courage to do what I fear so that I can do what I love.

Lovejoy

I finished the bar exam. That summarized my existence for the past two months.

Now we are in Portland, living on the Lovejoy street. The street name says it all.

Husby in the News!

Mr. C makes the news, again. He surely makes me a proud wifeski!




Making Mirrors for the Sun
By Daniel Stolte, University Communications, July 5, 2012
With $1.5 million from the Department of Energy, UA researchers are continuing to improve groundbreaking technology to produce solar electricity at a price competitive with non-renewable energy sources.
Just behind the University of Arizona's Bear Down Gymnasium, a house-sized frame of crisscrossing steel tubes is mounted onto a swiveling post in the concrete bottom of an empty swimming pool.
The tracker, as the structure is called, supports two curved, highly reflective glass mirrors, each measuring 10 feet by 10 feet. The tracker is "on sun," converting the hot Arizona summer sun into electrical power.
"We use mirror-making technology we developed at the UA to make highly concentrating solar mirrors," said Roger Angel, Regents' Professor of Astronomy and Optical Sciences and director of the Steward Observatory Mirror Lab. "Our technology holds the promise of getting the price of solar energy down to where it can be used on a large scale without depending on subsidies and be competitive in the electricity market."
The Department of Energy recently granted $1.5 million to Angel's research group to extend the mirror-making process to the so-called thermal method for making solar electricity. The mirror-making process will be optimized for cost-efficient mass production. The group has already patented its method for making dish-shaped glass mirrors.
"Most mirrors used in solar power plants are used for thermal generation by focusing light onto a long pipe used to heat water into steam," Angel explained. "This requires the mirrors to be shaped like a cylinder. What we have learned here at the Mirror Lab is how to bend the glass to high accuracy so as to focus to a point or a line."
The grant involves a collaboration with a commercial manufacturer, Rioglass Solar in Surprise, Ariz., which churns out cylinder shaped glass mirrors every 20 seconds.
"Much of what we have learned about making telescope mirrors carries over," Angel said, "how to make them, how point them and how to make them efficient at collecting light. But for this technology, we have to do things ten thousands times cheaper and ten thousand times faster than we do for a telescope."
Angels' team plans to build a furnace that works like a giant toaster oven. Within in a few seconds, heaters placed above the flat sheet of glass turn glowing red, and within a minute the glass will soften and sink into the mold placed underneath.
"Our students are the lifeblood of this project," Angel said. "Currently they are working on ways to convert the light focused by dish mirrors into electricity using photovoltaic cells."
The mirrors focus sunlight onto a 5-inch glass ball and from there to a small array of 36 highly efficient photovoltaic (PV) cells, developed originally to power spacecraft. They convert a broader range of the solar spectrum into electricity than regular cells.
The ball lens is coated to maximize transparency for the incoming rays. Angel said that an undergraduate student working in the lab, Ivan McCrea, discovered a new way of coating the lens for very high transmission.
Another student, Blake Coughenour, a graduate student in the UA's College of Optical Sciences, is working on the optics to more efficiently couple the dish-collected sunlight to the cells.
"Because we are focusing highly concentrated sunlight onto the cells, we had to design an effective cooling system for the cells," Coughenour said. "Otherwise, they would melt within seconds."
A unit of fans and radiators – not unlike the cooling system in a car – is attached to the solar cell array, keeping them about 36 degrees Fahrenheit above ambient air temperature.
"The tracker is fully automated," Coughenour explained. "The system wakes itself up in the morning and turns to the East. It knows where the sun will rise even while it's still below the horizon. It tracks the sun's path during the day all the way to sunset, then parks itself for the night."
In recent test runs, the prototype module generated 2.5 kilowatts of electricity, enough to meet the power demands of two average U.S. households.
"By using mirrors to focus on small but super-efficient photovoltaic cells, we have the potential to make twice as much electricity as even the best photovoltaic panels," Angel said.
How does the solar technology compare to non-renewable energies?
Angel said an array of sun trackers on an area measuring about 7 miles by 7 miles would generate 10 Gigawatts of power during sunshine hours.
"You could make the same total amount of electrical energy as the Palo Verde Nuclear Power Plant near Phoenix, the biggest nuclear power plant in the country."
Unlike conventional power plants that use steam to power turbines, Angel's photovoltaic prototype uses no water, making it especially suitable for desert regions. The materials are cheap to produce and by concentrating sunlight with mirrors the plant's footprint is smaller than that of PV panel-based plants.  
"We have laid the foundation for a structure that meets all the criteria you would want to see in an energy technology that is kind on the planet, doesn't emit carbon dioxide and doesn't consume water," Angel said.
To bring the solar concentrating technology developed at the UA into production, Angel together with several partners founded REhnu, LLC in 2009. Former UA President John P. Schaefer serves as the company's president, chairman of the board and CEO.
Angel's team is continuously working to improve the technology and through the new award will extend its application to thermal as well as photovoltaic generation.
Coughenour said: "What is cool about our group is that we get to build the technology, take it out into the field and see how well it performs, and then go back to the lab and make the necessary adjustments. Each time, we learn more and more, and optimize again and again. We are at the cutting age, and that's lot of fun."

"What kind of bird are YOU?"

I'm writing this because I'm taking a brief break from all the multiple choices that are staring at me right now, or because I feel like it.

Nothing much has happened lately, except that

-(Almost too) many people got/are getting married;

-Blake is carrying on with my unfinished career as the newbie(!) RA and just went through his first day of training;

-We are blasting through the first season of Rome;

-We watched Moonrise Kingdom and I'm thinking of revisiting Fantastic Mr. Fox;

-I loosely followed the breakups and the hiccups of Katie/Tom (meh), Jolie/Brad (yay), Kim/Kanye (sham);

-We are starting to brew homemade ice tea and relishing the exclusive possession of our fridge;

-We paid our bills and car insurance;

-The Odwalla chocolate protein drink is finally back in stock after its two-month absence from the grocery stores and vending machines;

-We are looking forward to life after the bar exam.

Also, finally--



To make life somewhat more bearable, I found lines from Moonrise that made me laugh.


Mrs. Bishop: "Walt, where the hell are you?"
Mr. Bishop: "I'm right here. Why are you cursing at me?"
Mrs. Bishop: "Does it concern that your daughter has just run away from home?"
Mr. Bishop: "That's a loaded question."


Cousin Ben (to Suzy and Sam): "I can't offer you a legally binding union. It won't hold up in the state, the county or frankly any courtroom in the world due to your age, lack of license and failure to get parental consent. But, the ritual does carry a very important moral weight within yourselves. You can't enter into this lightly. Look into my eyes: Do you love each other?"
Suzy: "Yes, we do."
Cousin Ben: "Think about what I'm saying, are you sure you're ready for this?"
Suzy: "Yes, we are."
Cousin Ben: "They're not listening to me. Let me rephrase it..."
Suzy: "We're in a hurry."
Cousin Ben: "Are you chewing...spit out the gum sister. In fact everybody." (Everyone spits out gum) "I don't like the snappy attitude. This is the most important decision you've made in your lives. Go over by that trampoline and talk it through before you give me another quick answer."


Chop A Tree

Mr. Bishop (to his children): "I'll be out back. I'm gonna find a tree to chop down."

Bird

Sam (to Suzy): "What kind of bird are YOU?"


Baby Baby!

I am up to my ears in bar exam studying. But it is quite fun being a married woman and seeing my husband becoming a full-time house-bound: picking up grocery, taking out trash, cleaning the table, washing the dishes, and slaving over thank-you cards.

So out of a huge gesture of generosity, I allow him to play video games in the house (while I'm away studying). 

Also good news everyone. Blake has a new baby.

Unilaterally.

Thanks to the wonders of technology...

Drum rolls please.

Announcing the arrival of Retina "Mac & Cheese" B. Coughenour !

(weighing 2.02 kg, 1.8 cm x 35.89 cm x 24.71 cm, very healthy apparently according to the nurse.)



Blake's self-proclaimed first major electronic baby in three years!

Welcome to the family Retina ! Hope you can feel much love, attention, and tiger-momish expectations in our household!

(Lately, Blake hasn't showed too much affection to his other children: iphone 4S, a foot heating pad as a random gift for me, and many other numerous trinkets from Newegg and Best Buy that I have lost track of.)

Blake will go on and on about how wonderfully adorable, fabulously sleek, amazingly light, incredibly sharp, powerfully anti-glare, and inappropriately sexy our new baby is.

He will also proudly repeat the story how he snatched one within 15 minutes when it first became available online while everyone else has to wait for 4~6 weeks. So he has been showered in immense jealousy and curiosity since last week (but such spotlight effect will foreseeably dissipate in 4~6 weeks).

Coincidentally, as a tribute to my hometown, the outsourcing powerhouse, it was shipped directly from Shanghai and arrived in Tucson in just one day.

ONE DAY! Good job China (and Foxcom?). The Made-in-China Retina is super special to me for this reason.

I have no major complaints about the new member because as of yet, I have no diaper duties. Also, Retina has surely inherited our ridiculous good looks.

On a side note, the bar prep lecture on family law detailed some typical newlyweds:

"On their wedding night, Wanda emerges from the bathroom in her Victoria's Secret lingerie only to find Harry sitting on the bed wearing a diaper and clutching a bottle of Wesson oil."

Hmmm. Ear muffs, Retina !

Life begins as a unit

We just got hitched!

The wedding and everything that led to it were the most surreal experience of my life. Blake and I are blessed with so much love, friendship, and support. Everyone we have met throughout our lives has both changed us and become part of us. We are deeply grateful to people who have come to join us on this special day, people who have kept us in their thoughts, people who have shared life journeys with us, and people who have made us better persons.

Thank you all!

People kept asking me whether I was nervous before the wedding. Honestly I did not feel this way. I did not grow up reading bridal magazines, following the royal gossip, watching the reality TV Bridezillas, and pinterest-ing a wedding board. I never wanted a perfect wedding. I did not care if anything would go wrong. I did not plan a wedding to fulfill a dream or an expectation.

What I felt was an overwhelming surge of emotions that I forgot still exist. Re-connecting with everyone from my past--family members, new and old friends--is both draining and liberating. Working through the details and the logistics of the wedding operations and the ancillary events is both taxing and rewarding. But all in all, the wedding is behind me and the new life is beginning!

I don't know how differently the married life will look, feel, taste, and smell like from the lives we had together. I knew I wanted to be with Blake for the rest of my life from even an early stage of our relationship. Through being with Blake, I have changed in some way and stayed the same in the other. And so did he. I am proud of our change and non-change. We were a good team.

Now officially, we are going to function as a societal unit. This unit will continue to have fun, keep a sense of humor, travel with excessive electronics, and maybe grow a farm of rolling little coconuts in the future.

Note to myself:

Don't panic.  The best is only yet to come.

Care

Parents are in town, cleaning massively and making ridiculously good food. I am deeply grateful that I can drive them around, offer them a place to stay, and spend time with them.

Three years ago, we walked and bused everywhere in Tucson. I fanatically google-mapped bus routes days ahead of time, planned the trip around the bus stops, slathered sunscreen on every inch of my skin, and waited hours in the sun for the bus to come.

At the time, I was busy planning, busy graduating, and busy worrying about the future. I didn't take too many happy graduation pictures. I didn't remember the commencement ceremony being particularly cheerful or inspiring. I had to move out my room by a deadline, catch a flight, meet a group of strangers in a bus tour, and then relocate to the wild wild west.

I was tired of school, sick of planning, and had to continue schooling and planning in the foreseeable future.

But my parents were proud and cheerful. We sat on the floor of a moldy hostel to share Chinese take-out in styrofoams, hauled gigantic suitcases across the campus and then across the country, and took happy family pictures with trouts, buffaloes, and geysers in the background.

Now I have a car, an apartment, a degree, a joint account, and a man who apparently wants a wife and a kitty cat. I have learned to cook, to love, to pray, and to make time for people. I have made some amazing friends along the way, gazed some gorgeous sunsets and stars, and learned some either hopelessly useless or extremely dangerous legal vocabulary.

I will let no one, no one make me feel inferior,  humiliated, defeated, and desperate again. If one thing planning a wedding has taught me, it is the fact that I have a choice and people who care about me do not care.

A giant leap

Blake has been working really hard lately because he is heading to Spain for an important conference. Despite his merciless schedule, he maintains his grace and kindness in face of the ultimate life challenge he unwittingly puts himself through.

ME!

Challenge Scenario #1: he has to deal with my cryptic mood swings that alternate between sullen silence and childish babble.

So, after I had a bad day for (almost) missing a deadline, he sent me a funny Indie Rock song, volunteered to wash my dishes, or promised to watch the Colbert Report with me.

That is his way of saying "Everything will be alright."

Challenge Scenario #2: he has to learn how to be deadpan.

When we made chicken vegetable soup for a Easter pot luck, we decided to play a joke and name it "Chinese Fifteen-Spice Bunny Soup" in honor of the holiday mascot.

Blake anticipated the fear and terror in people's eyes and rehearsed his perfect response:

"If people ask me, 'Is this really BUNNY Soup?' We should say, 'No, it's not. [Long awkward pause.] IIIIt's a RABBITTTT!'"

Then he laughed at his own joke and drifted away in his imagination of a standing ovation at an Oscar reception.

But in the end, he was the one who abandoned the plan and revealed the truth because he has a heart of gold and just can't lie.

Yes, he can stage the most savage loot in Catan with the flip of a hoarded monopoly card.

But he cannot keep a straight face in a prank, any prank.

Challenge Scenario #3: he has to guess what I like.

Blake classifies movies and TV shows into (1) the Shijie-would-hate-it-because-it's-scary category; (2) the Shijie-would-love-it-because-it's-cute category; and (3) the It-probably-won't-hurt-because-it's-silly-and-Shijie-is-silly category.

The rough classification system usually works. Blake knows well that I will not join him in his favorite hodge-podge of aliens, cowboys, vampires, zombies, Abraham Lincolns, metal people, and wobbly elderly action heroes, all of which fall within the unforgivable category (1).

Driven by his paternal instinct, Blake uncharacteristically BANNED me from watching the Game of Thrones.

You cannot give me a Honey Badger T-shirt saying "It just takes what it wants" and at the same time shield me from possibly the greatest show of this season!

He eloquently explained that it's HBO production (which is self-explanatory in itself); it's violent; it's bloody; it is not cute; it's nothing like How to Train a Dragon; it is really not cute; many people died; many more will die; people who died are not really dead; etc.

But he was wrong this time.

Honey Badger doesn't care!

I have a trick to deal with the precise dilemma HBO posits: I am born with eye shutters and hand-ear muffs.

Problem solved.

**************************************

Before Blake left for Spain, we went to a Chinese restaurant and watched the movie Up together.

Pixar never fails to tug my heart strings. Probably the most memorable scene from Up is when a gigantic bouquet of colorful balloons bursts out of the chimney, sending Carl, the grumpy widower, and his house soaring into the sky, up and away and off to an adventure in South America.

Carl embarked on an unexpected journey of self-discovery without his beloved wife Ellie. He somehow became the grandfatherly figure for Russell, the portly Asian boy scout; the guardian of Kevin, a lanky squawking bird; and the master of Dug, a slobbering yellow furball.

In the end, Russell had to throw out the furniture, appliances, and keepsakes that carried many memories of Ellie to keep the house lightweight, afloat, and combat-appropriate.

Let go.

For something in the present.

**************************************

I have bad habits, old clothes, deterring assumptions, and lingering fears that I should let go. Before I got my wisdom teeth out, Blake said, "There are things maybe you and I thought were impossible, but you did it, because you can."

Things like getting a driver's license, seeing a dentist, having a paper published, being on time, washing the dishes, going to bed early, eating non-leftover, installing the printer, making friends, being kind, not freaking out are probably tiny baby steps for mankind.

But they are great leaps for me.

Now I am adding the Game of Thrones to my list of remarkable personal feats.

For mankind, having someone brave enough to marry me and explore the unknown is as giant and groundbreaking a leap as sending someone to walk the moon.

Thank you for making me happy, putting up with me, and changing me for good, if not for the better.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Better than a honeymoon

March madness in full swing!


Week One: Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.

I had a great time in San Francisco with my moot court team. Ashley and Drew are the best teammates one could possibly ask for! Between the morning flash card time in our hotel room and the evening crunch time in the court, the three of us strolled around the city like country pumpkins. The San Fran downtown felt so crowded, so eccentric, so busy, so wild, so glamorous, and so ridiculous.

It reminded me a lot of the city where I came from with its modernity and decadence: the LCD screens, neon light flashes, skyscrapers with elevated walkways, taxi fleet lined outside stunning hotels, and people carrying fake Louis Vuitton monogram and people clothed in tattered rags filling in the remaining space.

Blake flew to CA from Colorado after a solar conference. Before fulfilling his duty to give me a Hollywood-style swing-hug and dip kiss, he of course gave priority to the man, the myth, the legend: Mr. Bradley Miller, who is still making his weekly supply of Italian food in gigantic bulk, rocking a Corolla, meticulously folding his thousands of T-shirts, and being the wonderful godly man as he has always been.

The new additions into Mr. Miller's life include a new house in a new neighborhood with an earthquake kit composed of bottled water and an imaginary weapon; a bean bag sofa bed whose endless expansion must be activated by Mr. Miller's uniquely vigorous squatting-flpping-stomping ritual; and a girl who drives the same Corolla, excels in video games, and is as sweet as her name suggests.

Needless to say, Mr. Miller is living a good life.

Right before we left, CA sent us a seismic gift to make our experience complete. Blake immediately sprung into action from the bean bag to protect the sleep-paralyzed me.

Needless to say, I felt more safe than ever.



Week Two: People come, People go.

After the short and sweet CA trip, Blake and I immediately went back to a busy whirlwind.

A lot of what I did involved finishing school and wrapping up my last semester. By virtue of being the silly treasurer for a nearly defunct student organization, I counted numerous receipts and reimbursement requests. During this long grueling mathematically-intense process, I kept telling myself: This is the last time I'm doing this!

I turned in my OPT application and later recalled that I didn't seal the envelope.

Also, I interviewed candidates who coveted my prestigious RA position. I surely will miss the luxury of living in this lovely community and knowing so many gentle and kind souls!

I also learned that a friend was going through a terrible heartbreak. Suddenly I realized how vulnerable I was without my loved ones.

Only time can heal. But friends will make you feel better.

Remember that people come and go, and of all the people in your life, you are the one who is there to stay. You are the one who can choose to love yourself, choose to respect yourself, and promise with all your heart and soul that you will never leave you.

--Kimberly Kirberger



Week Three: It's a Small World!

We went to Disney World for spring break with Blake's parents. Blake and I joked that this is our pre-honeymoon, as we won't have the time and resolve to go on a honeymoon trip immediately after the wedding.

With my naturally timid and risk-averse propensity, I hate the feeling of losing gravity. So my itinerary excludes most rides involving falling, dropping, plunging, and dipping motions. The most I can take are some mild, harmless horizontal and vertical movements. So you can find me screaming among the nonchallant and unimpressed toddlers on trolley trains, carousels, and story book rides. I also despise people who raise their arms up on the roller coasters. What makes one truly cool is by clinging on for one's dear life like I would!

Despite my lack of appetite for adventures, I had a blast. We had wonderful food at Wolfgang Puck's and Emeril's restaurants, sipped freshly-squeezed orange and tangerine juice at a fruit stand that made me never want to go back to Simply Orange, chilled by the pool where I mummified myself under layers of towels to avoid sunburns, felt the warm sands and gentle waves under our feet on the Cocoa Beach, experienced the wonders of the Walt Disney/Universal empires, and saw big gorgeous animals getting close to us during our safari ride.

It's not a small world. But I am glad I've found you.



Week Four: Happy Birthday Love!

Last year I threw a surprise party for the unsuspecting birthday boy at Wings over Broadway. I was very proud of my scheme.

This year, I ran out of ideas. So, again, I thought about a dinner party that may or may not have a surprise element.

The timing wasn't in my favor. I sent out the mass e-mail on Thursday midnight/Friday morning, and the birthday party was set on Saturday night.

I was feeling anxious and praying for a miracle.

Well, in the end, almost all the people I contacted showed up at the Hot Pot dinner. And a couple more joined us later in the games.

Happy birthday love.

You have such wonderful friends, because you are one yourself.



Week Five: You're My Tooth Fairy!

Although the birthday plan came together seamlessly, I was still nervous and irritated for no particular reason during Blake's birthday weekend. So we sat down and talked. It turned out that I had deep-seated fear that my wedding is coming soon and I still haven't made any plans to get my wisdom teeth removed.

What a nightmare to spot a puffy, bloody, chipmunk face on the wedding pictures!

Blake and I have diverging theories on what I should do with my wisdom teeth. My mom gave me the idea that having wisdom teeth will somehow give my round babyface an Angelina Jolie-like jaw line and contour, which by the way never materialized. The older I grew, the more fearful I became of removing the wisdom teeth. Of course they were annoying: two were partially out of the gum, hurt occasionally, and often trap food residues; another one was overly erupted and the last one was nowhere to be seen. But as long as I don't have an emergency toothache, I would rather leave them alone.

Blake, on the other hand, adamantly requested an intervention to take my wisdom teeth out. He doesn't believe that an Ivy-educated person can have such backwater views on the usefulness or aesthetics of wisdom teeth.

I begrudgingly took an X-Ray of my teeth.

The result was shocking, and also quite amusing.


My bottom wisdom teeth were growing horizontally. The hidden one was overlapping the roots of another tooth.

With my all-encompassing university insurance not actually covering anything, I had to look for a dental plan on my own. That took a couple months of shopping and price-comparing.

Meanwhile, I heard a string of horror stories concerning people's unpleasant visits to the dentist's, from passing out on the dental chair to reacting badly to pain-killing medication. My naturally timid inner self resisted the idea of joining the host of victims. I externalized my fear in the form of getting mad at any sight of disorganization in my life, as if it were the incriminating evidence of my weakness, procrastination, and irresponsibility.

With a mixed feeling of guilt and frustration, I finally decided to buckle myself down, take a day off from work, call an insurance company, get a quote on procedures, make a dental appointment, print out the discount plan card, and look at fear right in the face.

My dental appointment was a stress test. The first thing I heard/saw was a morbid video on why wisdom teeth were evil and mercilessly destroying lives. Then came my dentist. With a mere glance at the X-Ray, he announced that all my wisdom teeth were impacted and should be taken out all at once, and the operation would involve an intravenous injection, cutting open part of my jaw bone, and potentially affecting my sinus cap.

I didn't even know what those things mean. But they all sound TERRIFYING!

As an undermedicated, underoperated Chinese, I don't think I have ever broken any bone in my body. Stop cutting my bone you evil people!

But again, it's bloody now or bloody at the wedding. That's a no-brainer. So I took the open spot the next day. Blake reassured me over and over again: I will nurse you back to health.

Indeed, he is the best nurse EVER. He got all my prescriptions, reminded me to change gauze pads, replaced my ice pads every 20 minutes, fed me apple juice, and tucked me into bed. He deserves a civilian medal for everything he has done for me.

My fellow RA Trianna offered to cover my Friday program. The residents at the happy hour gave me tons of recovery tips. What's more, Blake's parents sent me get-well-soon balloons.

So much love, so much care, so much friendship.

In my humble opinion, March madness is better than a honeymoon.

My Funny Valentine

We don't really celebrate the Valentine's. This time last year, Blake was taking his preliminary examination and probably collapsed immediately after he got home. Two years ago this time, we were watching the Winter Olympics like two champion couch potatoes.

It is quite a blessing for us that the naked Cupid boy stumbles upon a Tuesday this year. Blake doesn't have a sweet tooth. I don't like commercial holidays. When the special day for chocolate manufacturers falls on an unremarkable Tuesday, it is a perfect reason for us not to do anything.

But strange things do happen on Tuesday.

It snowed in Tucson!

Also, when I came home from the RA meeting, I found my place was broken into and visibly altered.

1) My piling dishes in the sink were gone!

2) There was a floral plant with tacky heart-printed ribbons stuck inside my paper towels!

3) Half of my acidic drinks in the fridge were missing!

I was surely speechless and felt an impulse to draft a letter to nowhere.

Dear mystery intruder:

Why you stole my orange juice and redeemed yourself by washing my dishes and leaving an inappropriate sign of affection? What do you want from me? Don't you understand that I'm engaged and you clearly crossed the line?

Yours confused,
Me

Head full of brains, Shoes full of feet

Legally speaking, I am an alien in this country.

But Blake thinks I am just a little green woman sent from the outer space. He is mesmerized because I smell extraterrestrial to him.

I often do and say things that are quite incomprehensible to normal human beings. I also have a knack for turning a happy event into an uncomfortably awkward moment. Not to mention, I have a track record of demonstrating unparalleled persistence over things most people don't even care.

He does not mind me being weird. In fact, I am so removed from the conventional knowledge that he feels compelled--and honored perhaps--to marry me and figure out this biggest puzzle known to him.

In an attempt to make me stay grounded in the earth with him, he teaches me skills to survive. He takes me places. He straddles me in gears to trek over long distances or walk on thin ice with him. He tries to speak my language and get to know my species. He explains to me why people in sleek hair and crisp suit are bickering and acting savage on TV. He listens to my babble and improvised, off-key songs, with a mischievous smile on his face.

He understands me because he knows he doesn't need to understand everything about me.

We would then lean against each other to watch a heart-warming video of the rebels, the outliers, and the misfits over and over again. I maybe shed a tear or two in deep appreciation of Dr. Seuss's legacy. He would try to find out the masterminds behind the cinematography and music and catch the transition imperfections with an expert's eye.

And we all know it can be a lovely thing to be footsy, brainy, and eccentric--together.

"Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too."


--Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Knuckles and Buckles

The names of our cars given by Shijie.

Knuckles for her 2005 Mini, because the curves in the hood slightly resemble the back of a hand, and the fist-clenched way we drive it. Buckles for my 2004 R32, because when you get in you must fasten your seatbelt. As a used car, Knuckles is an incomprehensible adopted child that Shijie feels she must learn to nourish and keep safely protected. The R32 - now Buckles - has been my most trusted companion since late 2004, but it lacked the necessary requirement of automatic shifting for a car to learn to drive with.

I can't tell which is the girl car and which is the guy car, yet Shijie believes both cars are in a lovingly committed relationship. I must remind you that she sees this from Knuckles perspective, and Buckles and I have quite a different take on it. We often find Knuckles parked next to one of the many other minis in the garage. When questioned, Shijie counters that they are "just friends."

I would more accurately describe their relationship as "it's complicated." It seems Knuckles only lets Buckles get close when it desperately needs something - like a jumpstart - after which, Knuckles often finds itself back near a shiny blue mini within a matter of minutes.


After Buckles has been "friend-zoned," there is always an inevitable period of soul-searching accompanied by long drives off into the Arizona desert and lone ski trips to Colorado.










Eventually Buckles will make its way to an abandoned industrial complex, have a moment of spiritual enlightenment, and realize that Knuckles fickleness and lack of commitment is not the worst thing in the world for it.


Both cars have their ups and downs. Buckles has sub-par air conditioning, Knuckles has a clutch that slips occasionally. Perhaps they are more like step-children, and they must both learn to like each other, because Shijie and I will be bringing them to many more family functions for a very long time.

Life as a honey badger

Blake got me a pink honey badger T-shirt for Christmas. This T-shirt summarizes how he perceives his lovely, docile, obedient future wife:

"It just takes what it wants."

Pretty much true.

We were in Vegas for three days. We lived in a pyramid-looking building, ate some remarkable meals, worked our leg muscles, spent a significant amount of time in H&M and Zara, and substituted bedtime reading with a new episode of Alcatraz.

In addition, like every lovey-dovey couple, we fought over our philosophies of humanity. This is a fundamental divide between us. Blake is someone who would warm frozen rose petals "with [his] bare hands" according to his outdated blogger profile. I, on the other hand, is a honey badger, and according to the youtube voice man, I would eat a cobra and don't care.

Blake believes people should be treated--first and foremost--kindly. I believe people should be treated--first and foremost--fairly. Blake's operating assumption is that a stranger can do no harm. My operation assumption is that a stranger can be just as dangerous. Blake hates when people get hurt, for whatever reason. I hate when people take advantage of others, for whatever reason. He is a scientist-engineer who works with a group of young and not-so-young dreamers and aspires to save the world one day. I would soon enter an industry that thrives on breakdown of relationships and complaints of misery.

Different as we are, I admire his capacity to trust, give, forgive, and forget. I look up to him as my better half and secretly wish to make emotional connections with people as effortlessly as he makes it seem to be.

And Blake consults me (or I just volunteer my unsolicited advice) as to how to say no to people without feeling extremely guilty before and afterwards. He sees me as a curious observer of the dynamics of human interactions. He trusts my judgment, unless it is based solely on unverified Chinese urban legends. He relies on me to whip him into doing his paperwork and explaining the fine print on various forms that he probably shouldn't be signing. He used to call me "funny girl." Now he just calls me "HONEY---badger."

But I am not a true honey badger yet. I am not thick-skinned enough to emerge unscathed and maintain a good appetite after being stung "like a million times." And I cannot run backwards in slow motion.

I will continue to be fierce, and in a human way.

Thank you Babe.

Outrageously happy

I came across a Peanuts comic a couple days ago. Charlie Brown was chatting with Linus about the future. It went like this:

Charlie Brown: “Do you ever think about the future, Linus?”

Linus: “Oh yes ... all the time.”

Charlie Brown: "What do you think you’d like to be when you grow up?”

Linus: “Outrageously happy!”



Borrowing Linus' words of wisdom, I thought "Be outrageously happy" is a good way to start the new and last semester in law school. Even though most of the time, the excitement of (another) new semester's resolution will eventually wane and give way to the mighty weight of trivial anxiety attacks.

Blake and I went on a spring retreat in Madera Canyon. We coiled on couches in a nice homey farm house and woke up to the fragrance of a hearty breakfast prepared by Cindy. We roasted a train of hotdogs over a beautifully blazing campfire and protected our faces from the strong radiation behind a citadel of chair barriers. We played volleyball, which was but a variance of dodgeball for me. We watched horses strutting around in their elegant hoof-steps, felt the hot breaths of these gorgeous animals, and also heard these beasts blowing their noses loudly in open defiance of the weird species that suspiciously resemble the lowly monkeys. We read Bible verses in some precious private moments, even though I attempted to flap my youngster wings and follow Blake the mother goose whenever possible.

And also, we exchanged secret nods and handshakes with all the new and old GCF couples. It is a horrible generalization, but EVERYONE is getting married or having babies or taking someone home this year.

Literally, everyone.

To all the happily married, happily engaged, happily single, happily in love, and happily still-looking people out there, be outrageously happy.

And also, happy outrageous birthday Carol!

2012 luxury

2012 is the year of dragon.

Blake went along with the dragon theme and revealed the first of my Christmas gifts during my finals, The Girl with The Dragon Tatoo. I finished the book and then watched the David Finch movie. Both were good, not great. It has such a dark and twisty storyline, and I had nightmares afterwards. I always prefer good stories with a brighter outlook.

On our way home, I finished The Hunger Games. That's what I call an easy read. I actually enjoyed the pace of a cliche I-am-oh-so-so-confused teen love triangle. It also reminded me to salute Harry Potter, a true literary giant.

I managed to end 2011 on a fierce note. I went skiing for the first time and hurt my tailbone when someone ran into me from behind. I dropped onto the ground and cried for 20 minutes straight. It was an epic moment when I was tolled away by the ski patrol, like an illegally parked car waiting to be claimed and driven home.


I started 2012 in a full working mode. And so did Blake, rolling out of bed at 8 AM and working straight into midnight, and eating hot wings in between. Occasionally, I had to take one tiny break for wedding brainstorming on his behalf. Inevitably, the exceptions swallow the rule. I ended up spending many hours experiencing modest to extreme adrenaline rush on Modcloth.com. At least I found dress and shoes for the bridesmaids. That's one remarkable accomplishment worthy of a Times Square-scale celebration in itself.

As to the wedding, things are coming together. If they are not coming together now, they will come together eventually. If they still don't come together eventually, no one will remember anyways.

For the new year, Blake got me two fitness orbs, clearly projecting that he needs an immense amount of unconscious exercise. We may have to take some pilates lessons to make our core areas look super photogenic in the wedding pictures. On the other hand, I am slightly concerned that our cores may look too good that they steal the entire show. Oops. Sorry people.

Growing up, I never even tried to picture what my wedding would be like. It is like you go search for a document under the "wedding" tab in my memory index but only to disappoint yourself with the discovery of an empty folder.

To the skeptics in me, finding someone to love is difficult enough. Everything past that is all luxury.

2012 is, by definition, more than a luxury.

It is a miracle.