A giant leap

Blake has been working really hard lately because he is heading to Spain for an important conference. Despite his merciless schedule, he maintains his grace and kindness in face of the ultimate life challenge he unwittingly puts himself through.

ME!

Challenge Scenario #1: he has to deal with my cryptic mood swings that alternate between sullen silence and childish babble.

So, after I had a bad day for (almost) missing a deadline, he sent me a funny Indie Rock song, volunteered to wash my dishes, or promised to watch the Colbert Report with me.

That is his way of saying "Everything will be alright."

Challenge Scenario #2: he has to learn how to be deadpan.

When we made chicken vegetable soup for a Easter pot luck, we decided to play a joke and name it "Chinese Fifteen-Spice Bunny Soup" in honor of the holiday mascot.

Blake anticipated the fear and terror in people's eyes and rehearsed his perfect response:

"If people ask me, 'Is this really BUNNY Soup?' We should say, 'No, it's not. [Long awkward pause.] IIIIt's a RABBITTTT!'"

Then he laughed at his own joke and drifted away in his imagination of a standing ovation at an Oscar reception.

But in the end, he was the one who abandoned the plan and revealed the truth because he has a heart of gold and just can't lie.

Yes, he can stage the most savage loot in Catan with the flip of a hoarded monopoly card.

But he cannot keep a straight face in a prank, any prank.

Challenge Scenario #3: he has to guess what I like.

Blake classifies movies and TV shows into (1) the Shijie-would-hate-it-because-it's-scary category; (2) the Shijie-would-love-it-because-it's-cute category; and (3) the It-probably-won't-hurt-because-it's-silly-and-Shijie-is-silly category.

The rough classification system usually works. Blake knows well that I will not join him in his favorite hodge-podge of aliens, cowboys, vampires, zombies, Abraham Lincolns, metal people, and wobbly elderly action heroes, all of which fall within the unforgivable category (1).

Driven by his paternal instinct, Blake uncharacteristically BANNED me from watching the Game of Thrones.

You cannot give me a Honey Badger T-shirt saying "It just takes what it wants" and at the same time shield me from possibly the greatest show of this season!

He eloquently explained that it's HBO production (which is self-explanatory in itself); it's violent; it's bloody; it is not cute; it's nothing like How to Train a Dragon; it is really not cute; many people died; many more will die; people who died are not really dead; etc.

But he was wrong this time.

Honey Badger doesn't care!

I have a trick to deal with the precise dilemma HBO posits: I am born with eye shutters and hand-ear muffs.

Problem solved.

**************************************

Before Blake left for Spain, we went to a Chinese restaurant and watched the movie Up together.

Pixar never fails to tug my heart strings. Probably the most memorable scene from Up is when a gigantic bouquet of colorful balloons bursts out of the chimney, sending Carl, the grumpy widower, and his house soaring into the sky, up and away and off to an adventure in South America.

Carl embarked on an unexpected journey of self-discovery without his beloved wife Ellie. He somehow became the grandfatherly figure for Russell, the portly Asian boy scout; the guardian of Kevin, a lanky squawking bird; and the master of Dug, a slobbering yellow furball.

In the end, Russell had to throw out the furniture, appliances, and keepsakes that carried many memories of Ellie to keep the house lightweight, afloat, and combat-appropriate.

Let go.

For something in the present.

**************************************

I have bad habits, old clothes, deterring assumptions, and lingering fears that I should let go. Before I got my wisdom teeth out, Blake said, "There are things maybe you and I thought were impossible, but you did it, because you can."

Things like getting a driver's license, seeing a dentist, having a paper published, being on time, washing the dishes, going to bed early, eating non-leftover, installing the printer, making friends, being kind, not freaking out are probably tiny baby steps for mankind.

But they are great leaps for me.

Now I am adding the Game of Thrones to my list of remarkable personal feats.

For mankind, having someone brave enough to marry me and explore the unknown is as giant and groundbreaking a leap as sending someone to walk the moon.

Thank you for making me happy, putting up with me, and changing me for good, if not for the better.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Better than a honeymoon

March madness in full swing!


Week One: Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay.

I had a great time in San Francisco with my moot court team. Ashley and Drew are the best teammates one could possibly ask for! Between the morning flash card time in our hotel room and the evening crunch time in the court, the three of us strolled around the city like country pumpkins. The San Fran downtown felt so crowded, so eccentric, so busy, so wild, so glamorous, and so ridiculous.

It reminded me a lot of the city where I came from with its modernity and decadence: the LCD screens, neon light flashes, skyscrapers with elevated walkways, taxi fleet lined outside stunning hotels, and people carrying fake Louis Vuitton monogram and people clothed in tattered rags filling in the remaining space.

Blake flew to CA from Colorado after a solar conference. Before fulfilling his duty to give me a Hollywood-style swing-hug and dip kiss, he of course gave priority to the man, the myth, the legend: Mr. Bradley Miller, who is still making his weekly supply of Italian food in gigantic bulk, rocking a Corolla, meticulously folding his thousands of T-shirts, and being the wonderful godly man as he has always been.

The new additions into Mr. Miller's life include a new house in a new neighborhood with an earthquake kit composed of bottled water and an imaginary weapon; a bean bag sofa bed whose endless expansion must be activated by Mr. Miller's uniquely vigorous squatting-flpping-stomping ritual; and a girl who drives the same Corolla, excels in video games, and is as sweet as her name suggests.

Needless to say, Mr. Miller is living a good life.

Right before we left, CA sent us a seismic gift to make our experience complete. Blake immediately sprung into action from the bean bag to protect the sleep-paralyzed me.

Needless to say, I felt more safe than ever.



Week Two: People come, People go.

After the short and sweet CA trip, Blake and I immediately went back to a busy whirlwind.

A lot of what I did involved finishing school and wrapping up my last semester. By virtue of being the silly treasurer for a nearly defunct student organization, I counted numerous receipts and reimbursement requests. During this long grueling mathematically-intense process, I kept telling myself: This is the last time I'm doing this!

I turned in my OPT application and later recalled that I didn't seal the envelope.

Also, I interviewed candidates who coveted my prestigious RA position. I surely will miss the luxury of living in this lovely community and knowing so many gentle and kind souls!

I also learned that a friend was going through a terrible heartbreak. Suddenly I realized how vulnerable I was without my loved ones.

Only time can heal. But friends will make you feel better.

Remember that people come and go, and of all the people in your life, you are the one who is there to stay. You are the one who can choose to love yourself, choose to respect yourself, and promise with all your heart and soul that you will never leave you.

--Kimberly Kirberger



Week Three: It's a Small World!

We went to Disney World for spring break with Blake's parents. Blake and I joked that this is our pre-honeymoon, as we won't have the time and resolve to go on a honeymoon trip immediately after the wedding.

With my naturally timid and risk-averse propensity, I hate the feeling of losing gravity. So my itinerary excludes most rides involving falling, dropping, plunging, and dipping motions. The most I can take are some mild, harmless horizontal and vertical movements. So you can find me screaming among the nonchallant and unimpressed toddlers on trolley trains, carousels, and story book rides. I also despise people who raise their arms up on the roller coasters. What makes one truly cool is by clinging on for one's dear life like I would!

Despite my lack of appetite for adventures, I had a blast. We had wonderful food at Wolfgang Puck's and Emeril's restaurants, sipped freshly-squeezed orange and tangerine juice at a fruit stand that made me never want to go back to Simply Orange, chilled by the pool where I mummified myself under layers of towels to avoid sunburns, felt the warm sands and gentle waves under our feet on the Cocoa Beach, experienced the wonders of the Walt Disney/Universal empires, and saw big gorgeous animals getting close to us during our safari ride.

It's not a small world. But I am glad I've found you.



Week Four: Happy Birthday Love!

Last year I threw a surprise party for the unsuspecting birthday boy at Wings over Broadway. I was very proud of my scheme.

This year, I ran out of ideas. So, again, I thought about a dinner party that may or may not have a surprise element.

The timing wasn't in my favor. I sent out the mass e-mail on Thursday midnight/Friday morning, and the birthday party was set on Saturday night.

I was feeling anxious and praying for a miracle.

Well, in the end, almost all the people I contacted showed up at the Hot Pot dinner. And a couple more joined us later in the games.

Happy birthday love.

You have such wonderful friends, because you are one yourself.



Week Five: You're My Tooth Fairy!

Although the birthday plan came together seamlessly, I was still nervous and irritated for no particular reason during Blake's birthday weekend. So we sat down and talked. It turned out that I had deep-seated fear that my wedding is coming soon and I still haven't made any plans to get my wisdom teeth removed.

What a nightmare to spot a puffy, bloody, chipmunk face on the wedding pictures!

Blake and I have diverging theories on what I should do with my wisdom teeth. My mom gave me the idea that having wisdom teeth will somehow give my round babyface an Angelina Jolie-like jaw line and contour, which by the way never materialized. The older I grew, the more fearful I became of removing the wisdom teeth. Of course they were annoying: two were partially out of the gum, hurt occasionally, and often trap food residues; another one was overly erupted and the last one was nowhere to be seen. But as long as I don't have an emergency toothache, I would rather leave them alone.

Blake, on the other hand, adamantly requested an intervention to take my wisdom teeth out. He doesn't believe that an Ivy-educated person can have such backwater views on the usefulness or aesthetics of wisdom teeth.

I begrudgingly took an X-Ray of my teeth.

The result was shocking, and also quite amusing.


My bottom wisdom teeth were growing horizontally. The hidden one was overlapping the roots of another tooth.

With my all-encompassing university insurance not actually covering anything, I had to look for a dental plan on my own. That took a couple months of shopping and price-comparing.

Meanwhile, I heard a string of horror stories concerning people's unpleasant visits to the dentist's, from passing out on the dental chair to reacting badly to pain-killing medication. My naturally timid inner self resisted the idea of joining the host of victims. I externalized my fear in the form of getting mad at any sight of disorganization in my life, as if it were the incriminating evidence of my weakness, procrastination, and irresponsibility.

With a mixed feeling of guilt and frustration, I finally decided to buckle myself down, take a day off from work, call an insurance company, get a quote on procedures, make a dental appointment, print out the discount plan card, and look at fear right in the face.

My dental appointment was a stress test. The first thing I heard/saw was a morbid video on why wisdom teeth were evil and mercilessly destroying lives. Then came my dentist. With a mere glance at the X-Ray, he announced that all my wisdom teeth were impacted and should be taken out all at once, and the operation would involve an intravenous injection, cutting open part of my jaw bone, and potentially affecting my sinus cap.

I didn't even know what those things mean. But they all sound TERRIFYING!

As an undermedicated, underoperated Chinese, I don't think I have ever broken any bone in my body. Stop cutting my bone you evil people!

But again, it's bloody now or bloody at the wedding. That's a no-brainer. So I took the open spot the next day. Blake reassured me over and over again: I will nurse you back to health.

Indeed, he is the best nurse EVER. He got all my prescriptions, reminded me to change gauze pads, replaced my ice pads every 20 minutes, fed me apple juice, and tucked me into bed. He deserves a civilian medal for everything he has done for me.

My fellow RA Trianna offered to cover my Friday program. The residents at the happy hour gave me tons of recovery tips. What's more, Blake's parents sent me get-well-soon balloons.

So much love, so much care, so much friendship.

In my humble opinion, March madness is better than a honeymoon.

My Funny Valentine

We don't really celebrate the Valentine's. This time last year, Blake was taking his preliminary examination and probably collapsed immediately after he got home. Two years ago this time, we were watching the Winter Olympics like two champion couch potatoes.

It is quite a blessing for us that the naked Cupid boy stumbles upon a Tuesday this year. Blake doesn't have a sweet tooth. I don't like commercial holidays. When the special day for chocolate manufacturers falls on an unremarkable Tuesday, it is a perfect reason for us not to do anything.

But strange things do happen on Tuesday.

It snowed in Tucson!

Also, when I came home from the RA meeting, I found my place was broken into and visibly altered.

1) My piling dishes in the sink were gone!

2) There was a floral plant with tacky heart-printed ribbons stuck inside my paper towels!

3) Half of my acidic drinks in the fridge were missing!

I was surely speechless and felt an impulse to draft a letter to nowhere.

Dear mystery intruder:

Why you stole my orange juice and redeemed yourself by washing my dishes and leaving an inappropriate sign of affection? What do you want from me? Don't you understand that I'm engaged and you clearly crossed the line?

Yours confused,
Me

Head full of brains, Shoes full of feet

Legally speaking, I am an alien in this country.

But Blake thinks I am just a little green woman sent from the outer space. He is mesmerized because I smell extraterrestrial to him.

I often do and say things that are quite incomprehensible to normal human beings. I also have a knack for turning a happy event into an uncomfortably awkward moment. Not to mention, I have a track record of demonstrating unparalleled persistence over things most people don't even care.

He does not mind me being weird. In fact, I am so removed from the conventional knowledge that he feels compelled--and honored perhaps--to marry me and figure out this biggest puzzle known to him.

In an attempt to make me stay grounded in the earth with him, he teaches me skills to survive. He takes me places. He straddles me in gears to trek over long distances or walk on thin ice with him. He tries to speak my language and get to know my species. He explains to me why people in sleek hair and crisp suit are bickering and acting savage on TV. He listens to my babble and improvised, off-key songs, with a mischievous smile on his face.

He understands me because he knows he doesn't need to understand everything about me.

We would then lean against each other to watch a heart-warming video of the rebels, the outliers, and the misfits over and over again. I maybe shed a tear or two in deep appreciation of Dr. Seuss's legacy. He would try to find out the masterminds behind the cinematography and music and catch the transition imperfections with an expert's eye.

And we all know it can be a lovely thing to be footsy, brainy, and eccentric--together.

"Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too."

--Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Knuckles and Buckles

The names of our cars given by Shijie.

Knuckles for her 2005 Mini, because the curves in the hood slightly resemble the back of a hand, and the fist-clenched way we drive it. Buckles for my 2004 R32, because when you get in you must fasten your seatbelt. As a used car, Knuckles is an incomprehensible adopted child that Shijie feels she must learn to nourish and keep safely protected. The R32 - now Buckles - has been my most trusted companion since late 2004, but it lacked the necessary requirement of automatic shifting for a car to learn to drive with.

I can't tell which is the girl car and which is the guy car, yet Shijie believes both cars are in a lovingly committed relationship. I must remind you that she sees this from Knuckles perspective, and Buckles and I have quite a different take on it. We often find Knuckles parked next to one of the many other minis in the garage. When questioned, Shijie counters that they are "just friends."

I would more accurately describe their relationship as "it's complicated." It seems Knuckles only lets Buckles get close when it desperately needs something - like a jumpstart - after which, Knuckles often finds itself back near a shiny blue mini within a matter of minutes.


After Buckles has been "friend-zoned," there is always an inevitable period of soul-searching accompanied by long drives off into the Arizona desert and lone ski trips to Colorado.

Eventually Buckles will make its way to an abandoned industrial complex, have a moment of spiritual enlightenment, and realize that Knuckles fickleness and lack of commitment is not the worst thing in the world for it.


Both cars have their ups and downs. Buckles has sub-par air conditioning, Knuckles has a clutch that slips occasionally. Perhaps they are more like step-children, and they must both learn to like each other, because Shijie and I will be bringing them to many more family functions for a very long time.

Life as a honey badger

Blake got me a pink honey badger T-shirt for Christmas. This T-shirt summarizes how he perceives his lovely, docile, obedient future wife:

"It just takes what it wants."

Pretty much true.

We were in Vegas for three days. We lived in a pyramid-looking building, ate some remarkable meals, worked our leg muscles, spent a significant amount of time in H&M and Zara, and substituted bedtime reading with a new episode of Alcatraz.

In addition, like every lovey-dovey couple, we fought over our philosophies of humanity. This is a fundamental divide between us. Blake is someone who would warm frozen rose petals "with [his] bare hands" according to his outdated blogger profile. I, on the other hand, is a honey badger, and according to the youtube voice man, I would eat a cobra and don't care.

Blake believes people should be treated--first and foremost--kindly. I believe people should be treated--first and foremost--fairly. Blake's operating assumption is that a stranger can do no harm. My operation assumption is that a stranger can be just as dangerous. Blake hates when people get hurt, for whatever reason. I hate when people take advantage of others, for whatever reason. He is a scientist-engineer who works with a group of young and not-so-young dreamers and aspires to save the world one day. I would soon enter an industry that thrives on breakdown of relationships and complaints of misery.

Different as we are, I admire his capacity to trust, give, forgive, and forget. I look up to him as my better half and secretly wish to make emotional connections with people as effortlessly as he makes it seem to be.

And Blake consults me (or I just volunteer my unsolicited advice) as to how to say no to people without feeling extremely guilty before and afterwards. He sees me as a curious observer of the dynamics of human interactions. He trusts my judgment, unless it is based solely on unverified Chinese urban legends. He relies on me to whip him into doing his paperwork and explaining the fine print on various forms that he probably shouldn't be signing. He used to call me "funny girl." Now he just calls me "HONEY---badger."

But I am not a true honey badger yet. I am not thick-skinned enough to emerge unscathed and maintain a good appetite after being stung "like a million times." And I cannot run backwards in slow motion.

I will continue to be fierce, and in a human way.

Thank you Babe.

Outrageously happy

I came across a Peanuts comic a couple days ago. Charlie Brown was chatting with Linus about the future. It went like this:

Charlie Brown: “Do you ever think about the future, Linus?”

Linus: “Oh yes ... all the time.”

Charlie Brown: "What do you think you’d like to be when you grow up?”

Linus: “Outrageously happy!”



Borrowing Linus' words of wisdom, I thought "Be outrageously happy" is a good way to start the new and last semester in law school. Even though most of the time, the excitement of (another) new semester's resolution will eventually wane and give way to the mighty weight of trivial anxiety attacks.

Blake and I went on a spring retreat in Madera Canyon. We coiled on couches in a nice homey farm house and woke up to the fragrance of a hearty breakfast prepared by Cindy. We roasted a train of hotdogs over a beautifully blazing campfire and protected our faces from the strong radiation behind a citadel of chair barriers. We played volleyball, which was but a variance of dodgeball for me. We watched horses strutting around in their elegant hoof-steps, felt the hot breaths of these gorgeous animals, and also heard these beasts blowing their noses loudly in open defiance of the weird species that suspiciously resemble the lowly monkeys. We read Bible verses in some precious private moments, even though I attempted to flap my youngster wings and follow Blake the mother goose whenever possible.

And also, we exchanged secret nods and handshakes with all the new and old GCF couples. It is a horrible generalization, but EVERYONE is getting married or having babies or taking someone home this year.

Literally, everyone.

To all the happily married, happily engaged, happily single, happily in love, and happily still-looking people out there, be outrageously happy.

And also, happy outrageous birthday Carol!

2012 luxury

2012 is the year of dragon.

Blake went along with the dragon theme and revealed the first of my Christmas gifts during my finals, The Girl with The Dragon Tatoo. I finished the book and then watched the David Finch movie. Both were good, not great. It has such a dark and twisty storyline, and I had nightmares afterwards. I always prefer good stories with a brighter outlook.

On our way home, I finished The Hunger Games. That's what I call an easy read. I actually enjoyed the pace of a cliche I-am-oh-so-so-confused teen love triangle. It also reminded me to salute Harry Potter, a true literary giant.

I managed to end 2011 on a fierce note. I went skiing for the first time and hurt my tailbone when someone ran into me from behind. I dropped onto the ground and cried for 20 minutes straight. It was an epic moment when I was tolled away by the ski patrol, like an illegally parked car waiting to be claimed and driven home.


I started 2012 in a full working mode. And so did Blake, rolling out of bed at 8 AM and working straight into midnight, and eating hot wings in between. Occasionally, I had to take one tiny break for wedding brainstorming on his behalf. Inevitably, the exceptions swallow the rule. I ended up spending many hours experiencing modest to extreme adrenaline rush on Modcloth.com. At least I found dress and shoes for the bridesmaids. That's one remarkable accomplishment worthy of a Times Square-scale celebration in itself.

As to the wedding, things are coming together. If they are not coming together now, they will come together eventually. If they still don't come together eventually, no one will remember anyways.

For the new year, Blake got me two fitness orbs, clearly projecting that he needs an immense amount of unconscious exercise. We may have to take some pilates lessons to make our core areas look super photogenic in the wedding pictures. On the other hand, I am slightly concerned that our cores may look too good that they steal the entire show. Oops. Sorry people.

Growing up, I never even tried to picture what my wedding would be like. It is like you go search for a document under the "wedding" tab in my memory index but only to disappoint yourself with the discovery of an empty folder.

To the skeptics in me, finding someone to love is difficult enough. Everything past that is all luxury.

2012 is, by definition, more than a luxury.

It is a miracle.

Good job me

Finally it is the end of the semester! Looking back, it has been a pretty good semester. I am super grateful.

Highlights include (in a proximate chronological order):

-Hard earned a driver's license which was pretty much a miracle to me

-Started this blog and actually worked on it

-Progressed slowly and steadily through Arrested Development and realized Buster and I are essentially the same person

-Got jobs lined up to nourish my sugar mama instinct

-Woke up to swarms of Asian carps attacking the boat on the Illinoi River

-Caught the technology bug and got myself a leapfrog upgrade (before: a 6-year-old Nokia 6020; after: a dumb Suri that discriminates against my accent)

-Camped with my rugged optics hunk who got me my first pair of hiking boots

-Got lucky and will have my first publication EVER

-Won a $5 Starbucks gift card for signing up at a dysfunctional legal research website

-Finally dressed up for the Halloween in a totally unrecognizable fashion

-Passed the Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination after almost missing the exam because I could not find the testing center

-Played a minor role in a skit on lawyering ethics and got two fancy free lunches for my trivial brainstorming contribution

-Skipped an Estate and Trust class and did not regret for a single bit

-Channeled my inner badass RA

-Went to Bible Study consistently to play with the host's dog-like cat

-Made unsightly super-sized Chinese dumplings that claimed its roots in American mutation

-Received a random scholarship, which was probably based on the wedding cost estimate I submitted

-Joined the headless crowd on Black Friday at the Scottsdale Fashion Square

-Toured Sedona with the family and leapt across six harmless streams with audacity and agility in the very hiking boots the optics hunk bought me

-Sponsored all the energy drink purchase for the optics hunk with my RA money to bribe him into loving me unconditionally

-Watched a host of good and bad movies, lots of Chopped, and a healthy dose of reality crap; also, newly fell in love with Ryan Gosling and Conan O'Brien (who had to come after the optics hunk and Steven Colbert, unfortunately. Damn the first-in-time hierarchy!)

-Survived five finals and perfected my cramming technique to a new level (but what was I thinking at the beginning of the semester anyway?)

-Loving the optics hunk with a burning PASSIONNN and feeling blessed all the time

Among the sweet feats and pleasant surprises, I also recently learned that my dad's business partner, Mr. Bill Jones, passed away right before Thanksgiving. He was a kind and generous soul. My dad, Blake, and I stayed on his beautiful boat(s) in August and had a spectacular time there. God bless Bill and his family!


(Bill and my daddy bear, who was being cute unintentionally)

Now it is time to read for leisure, shun frozen Kashi entrees until next year, give some thought to (finally) arranging a dental appointment, and actually start to take baby steps toward our futuristic wedding (which is in the future anyway)!

Love awkwardly

I am constantly amazed at how wonderful you are.

You teach me something new, something good, something healthy, and something to be cheerful about with each passing day.

Thank you for letting me feel comfortable in my own skin and also inspiring me to be a better person.

I will continue to dance my awkward dance and love my awkward love.